Cry Me A River

Why is Sookie crying?

Could it be because I told her I was kicking her out? Or maybe she broke her leg? Does she have severe depression???

No. She's crying because Charlotte stole her blueberry box.

Oh Sookie, it's just a box. Cry a river, build a bridge, and get over it.

I Never Promised To Be Normal

My cats love lounging on the fireplace mantel. So today, I thought I'd give it a try.

I totally get why they love it up there. I may have to hang out there more often...

The Obligatory Bunny In A Basket Pose

We here at 2 Cats 1 Bun are fully aware that no Easter is complete without a bunny in a basket and some fake eggs. First, we tried to be different and used a bowl. We quickly discovered that baskets are, in fact, superior.

Charlotte and Sookie joined... They're so angry that it's an Easter Bunny and not an Easter Cat. It's always about them. Don't worry Noah, you're still the star!

Easter Bowl... Meh

Oh, much better! We adhere to tradition!

Well, well. Hello Sookie.

You can tell Charlotte feels betrayed by Noah... How could he steal the spotlight?!

Charlotte feigns boredom. And looks like a freak whilst doing so.

Sookie checks out the basket and the eggs.

And then punches Noah in the head because she's jealous. Charlotte looks away in disdain. 

Also, here is Noah's booty. IT'S A COTTON BALL!

In short, Noah is the cutest of everything. And he's going to make a rockin' Easter Bunny in the morning! I adore him!

The No-ster Has Got Some Work To Do!

If you didn't catch it, The No-ster is my "pet name" for Noah. So are Babybunz and Jerk. (Sookie= Sookieboo OR Sookster, Charlotte= Charcharbaby OR Charlotte the Harlot, Sookie+Charlotte= The Goober Girls). Oh! I almost forgot. Noah's full name is Noah Jacques. It makes sense.

Anyway, we here at 2 Cats 1 Bun are eagerly awaiting Easter Sunday!! Not that lent is very easy. I originally attempted to cut back on my time spent on an addicting virtual world. It makes me such a dork just to play it... and then I'm not even cool there! So I'm like, Queen Uber-Dork. 

Charlotte is preparing in her own little harlot way. We're working on not whining and not being so self-centered.

Sookie has apparently given up sleeping in practical places as well as any physical exertion. I suppose she just wants to be your Easter Basket... Wooo

But it is Noah Jacques who bears the heaviest burden. We here at 2 cats 1 bun have our very own EASTER BUNNY!! The No-ster has stepped up and is currently in training. We have faith that he can hide millions of eggs around the US and be back by dinner. Or really just two plushie eggs in my room.. whatever.

So I got Noah and one of our lovely Eggs to meet, and I'd say it went along swimmingly! 

Getting acquainted...

Serious bonding time

Practicing hiding. I think.

Ding Ding Ding!!

You know, my cats are just like regular sisters. And I'm like they're mother whose wrath they fear more than oncoming traffic.

There's this little white outdoor cat who roams the neighborhood. It apparently has a morning routine- of which my house is a part of. It comes up onto the deck and sits right outside the sliding glass door, just looking in.

Charlotte flips the %*&$ out. She starts growling, hissing, puffing up, punching the door... However, she cannot actually confront her enemy- so what does she do? Turn on Sookie. One minute Charlotte's freaking out at this other unreachable cat, and the next she's leaping at Sookie and screaming like a banshee. My poor favorite Sookie. I just broke up a fight this morning. I thought- "OMG these stupid cats..." and then I realized that people totally do the same thing (as in, take something out on a sibling or friend).

They say you should never get in the middle of a cat fight because you could get seriously hurt. But when I get involved, they should be worried about the cats. I have no fear- I'm like the Cesar Milan of cats. I just scream politely ask, "What are you doing?" and they stop. They know that if they continue I will spank them so hard they won't sit for a week. Which is what makes me a true mother. Also, this is how I plan to raise my children.

Put To Good Use

Since I have to scoop their poop (I should toilet-train them), you better believe I put these cats to good use.  Like a personal foot warmer.

Behind The Scenes

During the holidays, quite a few families feel the need to send out a card saying "Merry Christmas from the Xxxxxs!" with a very lovely photograph of the family, or the children.  I hate these.  What am I going to do with your Christmas card/portrait?  Frame it?  Hang it on the fridge?  Neither, because if I have your family on my fridge and somebody asks "Oh! Are they your cousins?" I'll have to say "No, I barely know them actually..." which makes me look weird.

I want to see all the photographs that didn't make the cut.  The one where mommy is yelling at someone, baby's screaming, sister blinks and looks high... But nobody ever shares those.

Well, I have decided to take a family portrait of all of us here at 2 Cats 1 Bun.  Not for a Christmas card (although... maybe a Christmas letter to get back at those annoying second cousins who put their unborn child's ultrasound on a letter. "In October, Noah reached sexual maturity and hopped in circles around my feet while grunting like a pig!").  Our portrait will be used in the new blog design!! Woo!

In the meantime- here are some out-takes!

Species-confused

I briefly mentioned before that Charlotte emulates Bandit.  She wants to be him so badly it's sickening.  Sorry, Char, you're no dog.  But you can hang out in his crate if you want.  I guess.

(Bandit likes to collect things in front of his crate)

"I have a question Miss Karen.."

Yes, child?

"Where do cats come from?"

They come from the same place as many other things.

"!!!"

China.

"???"

See, if you look closely at the tail...

You will notice a small gold sticker.  It is tough to read...

But I assure you it says "Made in China".  Which means, then, all cats are made in China.

"Ooohhhhh.  Is that where I come from?"

No.  Q&A dismissed.

Tribute

This is a tribute to my Big Sister. We met about a year ago, and instantly clicked. And, so I don't seem completely off-topic, we are both cats! Yup- we're in the cat family. We even have kitty nick-names. Hers is Catastrophe (which she wasn't pleased about) and I was dubbed Duchess.

She is going abroad this semester.. To New Zealand. I left F&M so it's not like I see her all the time anyway, but I'm going to miss her. We've become like actual sisters, and extremely close friends. I love my Big, and I know I'm her favorite Little.

^^Big reveal

^^It was love..

^^ Formal, with another of my favorite kitties

^^Trying on hats because we're classy.  OK.

^^Hopping around on the beach.  Isn't that what you do?

^^Out one night.  And totally sober.

Good bye and good luck Big!

Dreamgirl

Sookie has the odd habit of interrupting my dreams.  This morning, at 6:15, I hear this obnoxious whining in my dream.  As it turns out, this whining was real.  I wake up.  Sookie is on my bed, looking at me, and meowing.

So I sit up.  She starts circling on my bed, whining.  "What?" I say.  (I don't think I expected a response.)  The meowing continues, and grows more frantic.

"Is Timmy in the well?" I ask... and then laugh.  Because I am so original and clever.

I get out of bed and she jumps in front of me and runs to the door... meowing.  I figure she wants me to follow.  She leads me downstairs, into the kitchen.  Now, I'm expecting Charlotte to be lying dead on the table, or some random dude trying to break in through the back door.  Nope.  Charlotte's fine.  My dad's sitting at the computer.

"Is everything alright?" I ask- because this cat wouldn't dare pull me out of bed for nothing.

He tells me it is.  I look at their food and water bowls.  Full.  At this point, Sookie has stopped meowing and is meandering around the kitchen.  There was no reason for me to be up.  NONE.

Cat- if you ever pull another stunt like that, so help you God, I will kick you out onto the streets.

Attempted Murder

For some reason, cats are fascinated by plastic bags.  They bat at them, hide in them... and even try to kill one another with them.

My mother had gotten me a whole bunch of JUMBO ziplock bags to carry clothes to and from college.  I used them.  One time, after I returned home and unpacked, I left one of those big bags on the floor- open.

Sookie decides it's a good idea to climb inside.  That's when Charlotte sees her moment of opportunity.  I saw a commotion out of the corner of my eye.  Charlotte had gone and sat on top of the bag, sealing it with Sookie trapped inside.  Since there was a lack of oxygen, Sookie was freaking out (which is actually a very bad idea).

I, of course, threw Charlotte across the room and rescued my favorite Sookie.  Charlotte knows I'm onto her now... Oh how exhausting.

I would have pictures but I wasn't concerned with that at the time and cats have a hard time reenacting things.  So deal.

Chem Nerds Can Be Artsy Fartsy Too!

Some days of my life I fancy myself a photographer...

But then I take pictures like this:

So maybe not. A for effort?

Don't judge the dirtiness. Boys live here.

My cats are far too good for a water bowl. They drink from the faucet.

^^ Look at that bitty tongue!

^^ So dainty.  She was sort of batting it into her mouth...

^^ I don't even know what to say about this.

^^ They don't like when I make the water go away.  Those eyes... They give me nightmares.

Oh, and hey- Noah better do something cute soon.  Or he's going to the hawks.  {OK, that's an empty threat}

FIERCE

I'm training my Sookie to be a killer!  So I can sleep safe at night, and she can lose weight. 

Then there's Charlotte.  Who wants no part of this.  She's of no use to me.

Yes I'm holding a feather.  What of it?

She's Special

Also, I just had to make a quick post.  Noah is currently running around my room, so my door is closed.  Charlotte loves Noah, and usually whines whenever I shut her out.  They're BFFs.

As I was writing the last post, I heard a very soft knock on my door.  I figured it was my brother because he's a person, and usually people knock.  So I responded, "WHAT?"

To my surprise, I was answered with a little "Merrr?"

My cat not only knocked, she answered me.  Charlotte PWNS!

Yeah, I can't believe that thing is capable of such skills either.

The Ultimate FU

Sometimes Sookie can be pretty rude.  For instance, she puts her paw over my mouth while I'm talking to her to get me to be quiet.  

So I bite her.

But one time she gave me the ultimate "f*** you".  Seriously.

Since the cats had to live in my room until they were friends with the dog, I kept a litter box by the window.  It stunk.  I was a busy high schooler, and I'll admit that sometimes I forgot to clean it out for a couple of days.  As a punishment, the cats would pee on things.  I hated it.  Don't worry, I thoroughly cleaned everything.

One night, I had a dream that I was dipping my leg in a cold lake.  But sometimes our dreams are not merely dreams.  I awoke to find Sookie straddling my leg.  Which was wet.  Because she f***ing peed on it.  I cursed her, moved my leg to a less damp spot, and fell back asleep.

I figured I had forgotten to clean their litter box.  When I woke up for school, I looked over to see Sookie peeing in the litter box.  Which meant she obviously had nothing against the litter box.  Just me.  Although I have no idea why.

And that is the ultimate f*** you.  Well f*** you too, Sookie.

The Story of Sookie & Charlotte

Once upon a time I decided I wanted a kitten.  For this kitten I was willing to overcome all obstacles, like unconvinced parents, a messy house, and an oaf of a dog.  I poured through the pages of petfinder.com hoping to stumble upon the perfect little angel.  But alas, no angel appeared to me.

It was by chance that I found the Kitty Cottage on the site.  They didn't even have pictures of kittens online, just a note saying they always have some available.  So I found out their hours and I along with my father and brother headed over there.  They charged us $20.00 just to play with the kittens and made us sanitize ourselves.  Cat fanatics aren't always normal..

I should have known there was something "special" about the kittens I saw.  They were playing a game where one would go into a fabric igloo and push her paws against the bottom of the sides so the other could pounce at them.  Odd.  They were also the only two left from their litter and had to go together (that should have been a flag).

Their  names were Jessica and Cinnamon.  Ugly.  We walked in, and the two would not stop purring.  "Jessica" was climbing all over us while "Cinnamon" walked around our legs and played with my brother's shoe laces.  They were playful and sweet.  We fell in love and arranged to pick them up in a couple of days.

Jessica was renamed Sookie, and Cinnamon became Charlotte.  Sookie was quite spastic on the ride home (whining and flailing her arm through the carrier).  This worried me.  At first neither took to the dog.  This, too, worried me.  So up they went to live in my room where Charlotte produced the foulest feces I have ever smelt and they got tangled in my decorative mosquito net.

That all was two and a half years ago.  My little ladies are, indeed, "special" but I love them for it.

And now, without further ado, I give you:

Baby Charlotte & Baby Sookie (see that?! I changed the order in which they were presented! And probably surprised you.)