Cat In A Bag

I know the phrase "Don't let the cat out of the bag!" actually refers to the cat o' nine tails, but I couldn't help myself when I found my girls like this:

I said, "Charlotte!! Don't let that cat out of the bag!!" Which, by the way, is my favorite gift bag ever given to me. AK is so very creative.

This picture cracks me up. There are 100 different captions I could come up with for this, but I think it is perfect as is. 

Especially because right afterwards, Sookie retreated to the safety of the bag again.

It looks rather comfy, I'd say.

Where's Miss Manners!?

I pride myself on being a great cat and bunny owner. I share a special bond with my animals. We communicate quite nicely. And up until this point, I thought I raised them all to be well-mannered individuals.

And then....

Sookie, NO! A lady never opens her legs like that to lick herself. EVER. Unacceptable, and if I wasn't a good Christian girl I would also say unforgivable. For shame, Sookie!

And that's her response. Since I said a few inches up that we communicate nicely, I guess I should let you know what she is telling me right here. "B****, get off my case, or I will tear up your face with my claws while you sleep."

Yikes. I really thought I raised her better than that...

Cry Me A River

Why is Sookie crying?

Could it be because I told her I was kicking her out? Or maybe she broke her leg? Does she have severe depression???

No. She's crying because Charlotte stole her blueberry box.

Oh Sookie, it's just a box. Cry a river, build a bridge, and get over it.

L is for the way you lay on me...

O is for the only one I feed

V is very very cute but very smelly

E is even more than anyone that you ignore can love....

The past week has been less than satisfactory, to put it mildly. I've been upset, confused, and unsure of what to do next education-wise. Both Columbia and Penn rejected my transfer applications. I'm not sure why- I can assure you it was not for lack of intelligence or scholastic achievements- but my confidence has definitely been shaken.

Then tonight, Sookie reminded me of the unconditional love of a pet and subsequently lifted my spirit. Earlier, I climbed into bed and snuggled under the covers while Sookie patiently waited. After I settled in, she jumped up on the bed and, purring, stood on my tummy. I scratched her head, and she flopped down. Sookie wriggled about for a few seconds until she got comfortable- laying stretched out on my torso with her head on my chest and her paw on my shoulder. She purred and purred, and I couldn't help but smile. Again, I scratched her head. She looked up at me through half-lidded eyes and then gently placed her paw on my mouth. I'm not sure how long we laid like that, but it was awhile. Now she's sleeping soundly between my legs.

Sookie loves me, no matter what is happening in my life, and she made that explicitly clear tonight. I believe she knows I'm struggling, and I believe that was her way of comforting me. She and I have always had a special bond. I love all of my pets, but our relationships are all so different. For whatever reason, Sookie chose me as her favorite and we've been cuddling ever since. 

I am so thankful for the love and assurance from my Sookie, and from Charlotte and Noah as well (even if they aren't as blatant about it!).

The Obligatory Bunny In A Basket Pose

We here at 2 Cats 1 Bun are fully aware that no Easter is complete without a bunny in a basket and some fake eggs. First, we tried to be different and used a bowl. We quickly discovered that baskets are, in fact, superior.

Charlotte and Sookie joined... They're so angry that it's an Easter Bunny and not an Easter Cat. It's always about them. Don't worry Noah, you're still the star!

Easter Bowl... Meh

Oh, much better! We adhere to tradition!

Well, well. Hello Sookie.

You can tell Charlotte feels betrayed by Noah... How could he steal the spotlight?!

Charlotte feigns boredom. And looks like a freak whilst doing so.

Sookie checks out the basket and the eggs.

And then punches Noah in the head because she's jealous. Charlotte looks away in disdain. 

Also, here is Noah's booty. IT'S A COTTON BALL!

In short, Noah is the cutest of everything. And he's going to make a rockin' Easter Bunny in the morning! I adore him!

The No-ster Has Got Some Work To Do!

If you didn't catch it, The No-ster is my "pet name" for Noah. So are Babybunz and Jerk. (Sookie= Sookieboo OR Sookster, Charlotte= Charcharbaby OR Charlotte the Harlot, Sookie+Charlotte= The Goober Girls). Oh! I almost forgot. Noah's full name is Noah Jacques. It makes sense.

Anyway, we here at 2 Cats 1 Bun are eagerly awaiting Easter Sunday!! Not that lent is very easy. I originally attempted to cut back on my time spent on an addicting virtual world. It makes me such a dork just to play it... and then I'm not even cool there! So I'm like, Queen Uber-Dork. 

Charlotte is preparing in her own little harlot way. We're working on not whining and not being so self-centered.

Sookie has apparently given up sleeping in practical places as well as any physical exertion. I suppose she just wants to be your Easter Basket... Wooo

But it is Noah Jacques who bears the heaviest burden. We here at 2 cats 1 bun have our very own EASTER BUNNY!! The No-ster has stepped up and is currently in training. We have faith that he can hide millions of eggs around the US and be back by dinner. Or really just two plushie eggs in my room.. whatever.

So I got Noah and one of our lovely Eggs to meet, and I'd say it went along swimmingly! 

Getting acquainted...

Serious bonding time

Practicing hiding. I think.

Ding Ding Ding!!

You know, my cats are just like regular sisters. And I'm like they're mother whose wrath they fear more than oncoming traffic.

There's this little white outdoor cat who roams the neighborhood. It apparently has a morning routine- of which my house is a part of. It comes up onto the deck and sits right outside the sliding glass door, just looking in.

Charlotte flips the %*&$ out. She starts growling, hissing, puffing up, punching the door... However, she cannot actually confront her enemy- so what does she do? Turn on Sookie. One minute Charlotte's freaking out at this other unreachable cat, and the next she's leaping at Sookie and screaming like a banshee. My poor favorite Sookie. I just broke up a fight this morning. I thought- "OMG these stupid cats..." and then I realized that people totally do the same thing (as in, take something out on a sibling or friend).

They say you should never get in the middle of a cat fight because you could get seriously hurt. But when I get involved, they should be worried about the cats. I have no fear- I'm like the Cesar Milan of cats. I just scream politely ask, "What are you doing?" and they stop. They know that if they continue I will spank them so hard they won't sit for a week. Which is what makes me a true mother. Also, this is how I plan to raise my children.

Behind The Scenes

During the holidays, quite a few families feel the need to send out a card saying "Merry Christmas from the Xxxxxs!" with a very lovely photograph of the family, or the children.  I hate these.  What am I going to do with your Christmas card/portrait?  Frame it?  Hang it on the fridge?  Neither, because if I have your family on my fridge and somebody asks "Oh! Are they your cousins?" I'll have to say "No, I barely know them actually..." which makes me look weird.

I want to see all the photographs that didn't make the cut.  The one where mommy is yelling at someone, baby's screaming, sister blinks and looks high... But nobody ever shares those.

Well, I have decided to take a family portrait of all of us here at 2 Cats 1 Bun.  Not for a Christmas card (although... maybe a Christmas letter to get back at those annoying second cousins who put their unborn child's ultrasound on a letter. "In October, Noah reached sexual maturity and hopped in circles around my feet while grunting like a pig!").  Our portrait will be used in the new blog design!! Woo!

In the meantime- here are some out-takes!

AHH! REAL MONSTER!

For the first time ever, the elusive Sookie Monster (Sookius Monstorius) has been captured on film.

The natural habitat of the Sookie Monster is underneath beds, and its natural diet consists of a person's time.  It is a very needy creature, and it requires at least two hours of cuddling a day to survive.  The Sookie Monster in this photograph is particularly skilled in choosing the precise moment when cuddling is most inconvenient for a person.

It is a horrific beast.  Three minutes after this picture was taken, the camera crew tried its best to capture the Sookie Monster, but the creature is far too cunning and swift.  It roams at large, and all people with a bed are urged to be very cautious.

***UPDATE***

We have received another photograph of the Sookie Monster!  Notice its focus and intensity as it seeks out its next victim...

Citizens, be very alert and take all safety precautions!

"I have a question Miss Karen.."

Yes, child?

"Where do cats come from?"

They come from the same place as many other things.

"!!!"

China.

"???"

See, if you look closely at the tail...

You will notice a small gold sticker.  It is tough to read...

But I assure you it says "Made in China".  Which means, then, all cats are made in China.

"Ooohhhhh.  Is that where I come from?"

No.  Q&A dismissed.

Dreamgirl

Sookie has the odd habit of interrupting my dreams.  This morning, at 6:15, I hear this obnoxious whining in my dream.  As it turns out, this whining was real.  I wake up.  Sookie is on my bed, looking at me, and meowing.

So I sit up.  She starts circling on my bed, whining.  "What?" I say.  (I don't think I expected a response.)  The meowing continues, and grows more frantic.

"Is Timmy in the well?" I ask... and then laugh.  Because I am so original and clever.

I get out of bed and she jumps in front of me and runs to the door... meowing.  I figure she wants me to follow.  She leads me downstairs, into the kitchen.  Now, I'm expecting Charlotte to be lying dead on the table, or some random dude trying to break in through the back door.  Nope.  Charlotte's fine.  My dad's sitting at the computer.

"Is everything alright?" I ask- because this cat wouldn't dare pull me out of bed for nothing.

He tells me it is.  I look at their food and water bowls.  Full.  At this point, Sookie has stopped meowing and is meandering around the kitchen.  There was no reason for me to be up.  NONE.

Cat- if you ever pull another stunt like that, so help you God, I will kick you out onto the streets.

Attempted Murder

For some reason, cats are fascinated by plastic bags.  They bat at them, hide in them... and even try to kill one another with them.

My mother had gotten me a whole bunch of JUMBO ziplock bags to carry clothes to and from college.  I used them.  One time, after I returned home and unpacked, I left one of those big bags on the floor- open.

Sookie decides it's a good idea to climb inside.  That's when Charlotte sees her moment of opportunity.  I saw a commotion out of the corner of my eye.  Charlotte had gone and sat on top of the bag, sealing it with Sookie trapped inside.  Since there was a lack of oxygen, Sookie was freaking out (which is actually a very bad idea).

I, of course, threw Charlotte across the room and rescued my favorite Sookie.  Charlotte knows I'm onto her now... Oh how exhausting.

I would have pictures but I wasn't concerned with that at the time and cats have a hard time reenacting things.  So deal.

Cheap Date

When I first brought home the kittens I thought they'd want all sorts of fancy toys.  So I bought them some.  They rejected my offerings.

For a pen.  So I won't buy them fancy toys, I'll buy them a pack of ball point pens and we'll all be happy.

Oh wait...

What's that?  Abstract art, you say?  No.  You're wrong.  That is the result of Sookie chewing a pen on my bed.  She ruined a perfectly good pair of sheets too.  Giving her a pen was not my finest moment.

We Sleep Together

Sookie and I like to cuddle in bed. She often falls asleep, and sometimes I do too.

These are pretty self-explanatory.

Supermodel

I think Sookie's calling is to be a supermodel.  

DAMN GIRL.  She's working that camera, and she's good at posing with others.  Just... don't mind me.  I'm awkward.

There's so much emotion behind those eyes.

Also, while I type this, Sookie is laying on my tummy staring at herself and purring.  She's got the vain thing down.  I'm calling Ford tomorrow.

Chem Nerds Can Be Artsy Fartsy Too!

Some days of my life I fancy myself a photographer...

But then I take pictures like this:

So maybe not. A for effort?

Don't judge the dirtiness. Boys live here.

My cats are far too good for a water bowl. They drink from the faucet.

^^ Look at that bitty tongue!

^^ So dainty.  She was sort of batting it into her mouth...

^^ I don't even know what to say about this.

^^ They don't like when I make the water go away.  Those eyes... They give me nightmares.

Oh, and hey- Noah better do something cute soon.  Or he's going to the hawks.  {OK, that's an empty threat}

FIERCE

I'm training my Sookie to be a killer!  So I can sleep safe at night, and she can lose weight. 

Then there's Charlotte.  Who wants no part of this.  She's of no use to me.

Yes I'm holding a feather.  What of it?

The Ultimate FU

Sometimes Sookie can be pretty rude.  For instance, she puts her paw over my mouth while I'm talking to her to get me to be quiet.  

So I bite her.

But one time she gave me the ultimate "f*** you".  Seriously.

Since the cats had to live in my room until they were friends with the dog, I kept a litter box by the window.  It stunk.  I was a busy high schooler, and I'll admit that sometimes I forgot to clean it out for a couple of days.  As a punishment, the cats would pee on things.  I hated it.  Don't worry, I thoroughly cleaned everything.

One night, I had a dream that I was dipping my leg in a cold lake.  But sometimes our dreams are not merely dreams.  I awoke to find Sookie straddling my leg.  Which was wet.  Because she f***ing peed on it.  I cursed her, moved my leg to a less damp spot, and fell back asleep.

I figured I had forgotten to clean their litter box.  When I woke up for school, I looked over to see Sookie peeing in the litter box.  Which meant she obviously had nothing against the litter box.  Just me.  Although I have no idea why.

And that is the ultimate f*** you.  Well f*** you too, Sookie.

The Story of Sookie & Charlotte

Once upon a time I decided I wanted a kitten.  For this kitten I was willing to overcome all obstacles, like unconvinced parents, a messy house, and an oaf of a dog.  I poured through the pages of petfinder.com hoping to stumble upon the perfect little angel.  But alas, no angel appeared to me.

It was by chance that I found the Kitty Cottage on the site.  They didn't even have pictures of kittens online, just a note saying they always have some available.  So I found out their hours and I along with my father and brother headed over there.  They charged us $20.00 just to play with the kittens and made us sanitize ourselves.  Cat fanatics aren't always normal..

I should have known there was something "special" about the kittens I saw.  They were playing a game where one would go into a fabric igloo and push her paws against the bottom of the sides so the other could pounce at them.  Odd.  They were also the only two left from their litter and had to go together (that should have been a flag).

Their  names were Jessica and Cinnamon.  Ugly.  We walked in, and the two would not stop purring.  "Jessica" was climbing all over us while "Cinnamon" walked around our legs and played with my brother's shoe laces.  They were playful and sweet.  We fell in love and arranged to pick them up in a couple of days.

Jessica was renamed Sookie, and Cinnamon became Charlotte.  Sookie was quite spastic on the ride home (whining and flailing her arm through the carrier).  This worried me.  At first neither took to the dog.  This, too, worried me.  So up they went to live in my room where Charlotte produced the foulest feces I have ever smelt and they got tangled in my decorative mosquito net.

That all was two and a half years ago.  My little ladies are, indeed, "special" but I love them for it.

And now, without further ado, I give you:

Baby Charlotte & Baby Sookie (see that?! I changed the order in which they were presented! And probably surprised you.)